Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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