My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You made out with two different species that night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
