She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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