Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we're making bets on your personal life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
