dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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