The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
