i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
