I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
