Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
