apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
