It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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