she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
