im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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