i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
