So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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