After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
