That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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