Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
