jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
