Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize