I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this boner is exhausting
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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