trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
