My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
