Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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