I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
