Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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