I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
