There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
