somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
