At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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