made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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