M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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