I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
