she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
