Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
