we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
