Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I lost the right to judge tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
