Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
