Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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