are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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