I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
