You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
