So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
