Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
