Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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