I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
