Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
