Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
