We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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