i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
