I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
