So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
