Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
