dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
