i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
