I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
