part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
