Everything about him screamed your future.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
