dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
