u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
