but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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