At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
