My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize