in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
