...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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