You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
