it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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