Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
