I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
