Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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