The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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